


A Tortured Soul of a Growing Girl

by NiaChase



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Childhood, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Gen, Hand Jobs, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Public Hand Jobs, Suicidal Thoughts, Thighs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-02-15 21:59:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18678157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiaChase/pseuds/NiaChase
Summary: My Life





	1. Childhood (Birth-Nine years Old)

My life wasn't always like this. It used to be happy, playful, and childlike. No one ever really thinks about their childhood while living it. That was the job for the adults. A mother's job to raise, care and love their children that they give birth to. It was a dangerous world out there and a child's first home is in the belly of it's mother.

Once out, it was the mother's job to give nurture to the child, raise it, teach the child. A child's love will always be there for the mother if the mother raise the child right. She raised me right, but it was safe to say every child had doubts. I certainly did. My dad was in the picture until my sister came along. 

Then when I was old enough to comprehend, it was always my mother calling my dad to pick me up and take care of us. I saw nothing wrong with that. I love my dad. People always told me I looked like the female version of him and my granddad. I took pride in it. When my dad pick me up, he would take us to see the family. 

My aunt was like a second mother. She would do my hair, cook me food and was a great person to talk to. She and my mom were great friends and I was good friend with my cousins. Jaz, Ali, and I would play barbies or play outside. My other cousin, Quez, was like a brother to me. I would tease him that I would catch up in age or reach his level in school.

He was the best, but hanging with Jaz was much more fun. Sometimes it would be horrible when my other cousin Nay would come around. She and Jaz would fight and it would lead to a horrible time. Nay would call me a white girl behind my back when she was with Jaz alone without my Sister and I around. I never thought color mattered and didn't really mind when Jaz told me.

I never really like Nay anyway. Nay's brother I was cool with. He would hang with Quez since they were boys, but talking with them was fun. Then years went by and the issue with child support was an issue my mother had with my dad. I didn't really understand it, but I knew it was bad, but we'll get back to that later.

What y'all need to understand was the fact that I loved my dad. Keep that in mind. Meanwhile, my mom started having boyfriends. I had no problem with that. They were cool and friendly and I gain a baby sister from one. I was eight or nine around that time. Then he came. 

The person who would ruin my childhood and teenager years. My mom knew him when she was in highschool. Funny how life works. They got together and got to know each other. He was a marine. At a young age, all that meant was that he was in the military. He was harsh looking. Very intimidating. Hard features, rough voice, cold, calculating eyes.

He was smart and strong, an ideal man who can take care of a woman. My mom had us meet him. I saw nothing wrong with him. He was cool and at the time, like every other boyfriend my mother had. My sister and I figure he'll leave in maybe a couple months. Months went by and my sister was starting to walk. 

I remember watching her move between the couches, not quite ready to let go. It was getting boring, so I watched t.v. on the floor, away from the couch. I had a tight bond with her since I had a love for babies. I was willing to change her diaper or feed her a bottle. I was willing to let my mom rest and I become the responsible one, the one she can always look for. 

My sister Ali and I would fight over her, but it was obvious I knew more about caring for her any way. I like to think I was her favorite. So watching her become independent was hard since that mean letting her grow. But anyway, as i was watching t.v., next thing I knew, I felt small hands on my back and cute laughter. My baby sis just walked to me from the couch. 

I was happy and to me, a memory to treasure forever. I turn and smile, praising her. I watch her wiggle on her feet as she held my hands with her small hands. I help her turn around and watch her walk back to the couch, t.v. forgotten. She was growing up. Wasn't even her first birthday yet.

For years my love for her will grow, but I want y'all to think about something. What will happen between my sister Ali and I? What about my cousins Jaz and Quez? I'll give you a hint: Cut Off.


	2. Ten years Old

So, the man who is your mom's boyfriend is supposed to automatically be seen as your new father. Granted, my mother didn't know exactly how to raise kids, even if in my opinion she was doing great, the boyfriend made himself at home.

Now, your mother whoops you with a belt for something you did wrong. I knew I deserve it, even though I hated it. But then the boyfriend decides to whoop us. A stranger. Someone we didn't know. To me, it was abuse. I didn't know that man.

He would yell at us, call me and my sister stupid, assholes, Dumbasses. And the situation be something small as in leaving the cap off the toothpaste packet. He didn't even live with us at the time and he was already putting us down. There was a time I wanted to runaway, but I was too scared to do it.

I loved my family too much to run away from home. But it didn't help hearing them have sex across the hall. I was thinking at the time that my mom was only with him for sex, not for us. I thought she didn't care about us. As untrue as it was, that thought will be in my head for years to come.

What truly made me scared of him was when my sister and I told my aunts what he has been doing. Word spread and it came back to him. He was PISSED! He had that look on his face that could make you pee your pants or make you fear your life. The latter was what I felt.

The family was gathered in the living room in the middle of packing. I took the blame to keep my sister out of it. I stood in the middle of the floor, off the wall or he'll be even madder. His tone and attitude was strict and scary for nine year old me. I couldn't cry or he'll give me something to cry about, in other words, a whooping. His whoopings hurt the worse. 

It would leave red belt prints on your skin and it would last till the next day. He told me how we don't talk about what goes on in the house, don't tell everyone our business. Keep that in mind as well because it would lead to my worst mistake ever.

When he was done talking and calling me names, I knew in that moment I had to learn how to survive living with him. There was no more childhood. It was time to make sure you stay on his good side at ALL COST. Again, biggest mistake and my personal punishment to come.  


Now, fast forward to when I was ten years old, going to be eleven soon. He and my mom was in a serious relationship and it was time to move to Lawton, Oklahoma due to the boyfriend's change of station, Ft. Sill. I had to leave behind my close cousins, my dad, my family to go somewhere I knew no one at. The three day drive was amazing and that's when I realized my love for road trips.

It was also the time I became his 'pet, for the lack of a better word. His words was rule. He knew more, was stricter, more scarier than any man I knew. School was becoming a safe haven for me. Eight hours of freedom before I come back to the hell I call home. The apartment was the first place we lived in.

The bad thing was the fact that I slept on the second floor room while everyone else was on the third floor. Just so you understand, Once you open the door to get in the apartment, you have to go up one flight of stairs. That floor was my bedroom on the right at the top.

Take a left and go up a few more steps and that's where my sisters and My mom and her boyfriend slept. Me being ten years old and love to read a lot, my first thought was that someone was going to break in and they was going to see my room first. I was very unhappy about this.

They would constantly tell me that no one was going to break in because the door was lock. That lead to many nights while they were sleep to check to see if it was truly lock and a lot of nightmares because I was scared of the dark and being alone. Growing up, I slept in a bunk bed with my sister.

It was my first time being alone. Some night I would go up to my parents and cry to them that I was scared and they would tell me to go back to bed with a threat that the boyfriend gave that he would whoop me.

I was more terrified of him. During the day, my sister, Ali, and I would want to go to the playground nearby to PLAY. The boyfriend would take us and have us doing pull-ups on monkey bars, have us run like we were in the military. That made me and my sis dislike going to the park.

Again, childhood and fun ruined. About six to eight months later, we moved into a house. It was a nice house. There was no upstairs and I would be closer to my family, so I was happy. I still had my own room while my sisters, Ali and Ari, was across the hall while my parents was on the other side of the house.

That didn't mean we couldn't hear the sex. Ew. But this house (honestly it could have started in North Carolina, but I can't remember thankfully) was when Hell truly started for me.


	3. Ten years Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts, Please comment.

Months went by sucking up to the Boyfriend and doing what he said to not make him angry before my hell began. My mom was away shopping with my baby sister when the boyfriend asked for my sister and I to his bedroom. 

(This is honestly hard for me to write) The room was the color mix between yellow and orange. The bed was soft as we sat on the bed. The lotion scent filled the room as he whispered to us. He stroke his cock through his shorts, tell us that he want us to massage him.

Granted, I was used to massaging his back and before I met him, I was used to stepping on my aunts back. But this was disgusting to me. He had us touch his cloth dick. It grew hard under our hands, my mind telling me to run away. But I stayed. I didn't know how my mother would feel. How would she react? Would she be mad at me? Then he finally pulled it out.

The scent of him made me want to gag. The tip leak precome. I really didn't want to touch it, but my sister and I kept quiet and listened. We stuck our hand out and felt the cool touch of lotion I will soon grow to hate. He told us to mix our hand before making us touch his warm cock.

My sister instantly remove her hand, but I kept mine on it. My sister put hers back, her eyes tearing like mine. My head started yelling for me to run. To get out of the house. It told me it was wrong and you shouldn't be doing this. But the bad part was the fact I was too scared. 

Everyone heard of the Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Sadly, I froze in place, not wanting to make him mad. After a while, my sister moved her hand as the boyfriend told me to keep going, wrapping his hand around mine on his cock. I told him it was wrong. That it was mom's job, not ours. He told us it was just massaging, nothing bad about that. 

He told us it would help him when it comes to mom. I didn't know how at the time, but I listened. His cock grew harder and his moan was louder. I hated the sound, the wetness of my hand, I wanted to puke of the smell of it. Then it happened. The warm, white substance covered my hand and I instantly removed it. It was nasty. It was gross.

I wanted to wash my hands. He told us not to tell mom. To keep it a secret. My ten year old self nodded, not wanted to make him mad nor have mom find out. My sister and I left, washing our hands and not wanting to talk about it. We stayed in our room, watching cartoons. Anything to block what just happened. My mind was finally quiet in a lerie way. 

Like spies waiting for the right time to make me feel bad. My sister quiet, but looking to me for support. She might have asked me if we should tell mom, But I was still in the freeze response. I was scared. I was hoping it would be the last time. I probably told her no.

Our Mom was happy. Who are we to ruin that. Besides, we was away from family. Would we still be living with him while they were arguing? I remember when I stood in front of them before we moved. How pissed he looked. I didn't want to deal with that again.

No, we wouldn't tell. I was planning to take this secret to the grave. I know, dark thought for a ten year old. Well, get used to it because trust and believe my thoughts will grow darker each time this happens. Thinking back now, I should've told. If I had a wish, I would have change that moment. Maybe my life would be so much better than it is now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and the kudos. I'm thankful for the support.


	4. Eleven Years Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to thank the kind comments. It really do make my day.

The mind is a powerful thing. It just depends on the user. I like to think I'm smart for my age. I try to think ahead or analyze how a person is. Yeah, it's that bad. Anyway, let's talk about the boyfriend so you have a better picture.  


His name is (Not his real name. Not even close. Don't even think about it. ) Alec. He was raised with his mom and dad. His mom is a very eccentric woman I ever met. His dad (i never met him. He's dead), so as I was told, a very strict, very religious man (Keep this in mind because this is going to bite me in the ass.) that Alec (Again not his name. I know what y'all thinking.) looked up to.

They wasn't the best of parents or couple for that matter. Based on how Alec was, he don't really care about his mother and his mother barely cared about him. The dad apparently smart like he was and maybe even the same about the lust. 

But let's go back to Alec. Now, you guys know he was a Marine (Shout out to the Marines. Thank you for your service.) and he was used to training hardcore marines. Now compare a marine to a child who was living the civilian life and no knowledge of the military at the time. A bit rough. (No hate towards the Marines.)

Alec is very controlling, very hard to please, his words is law. If he have a bad day at work, he will take that shit home and everyone is walking on needles, trying not to piss him off with one simple wrongdoing.

That's not to say he don't have good qualities. He taught us things I still use today. I know how to change a tire without help from a man. I know how to slightly dress better (I was once a tomboy. Also, it didn't help how he always compliment how big my breast was growing. That's why I like baggy shirts sometimes.) I see people for who they are and know who my real friends are.  


Did I make you feel a bit bad for him?  


Then let's get back to the timeline.  


At this point, My sis and I was getting used to the nasty job we were doing. Now here's the part when my sister (the middle child who is two years younger than me) will start growing apart. We would know who was doing it to Alec.

We both found it gross and being caught knowing we did it was worse. Sure we both started out together, but it was wrong seeing your sister right after your hand was once covered with warm semen (No hate towards men either.

I still like men, but we'll get to that topic later.). My mother still never knew and was still caring for my baby sister. Don't worry, my baby sis never hand to do this. Just me and Ali. So now that we got this out of the way, let's talk about a lighter topic.

In middle school, I was introduced to a book called Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. (I'm a fan, sue me. Lol) Up until then, I hated books. The only books I would read was goosebumps from R.L.Stine (I don't know if I spelled that right.).

But after reading the Percy jackson book, I spent seventh grade reading all his books. I was a huge Percabeth fan. I was like, "Percy please ask out Annabeth already." It was too obvious ever since the Tunnel of Love.

There was a low-key me shipping Luke and Percy because I swear Percy is suspect. I just didn't know what it was called at the time. It was the year I met my best friends. Oklahoma had some nice people and if I had to live outside my home state, I would go there.

So, now that y'all seen my nerd/inner shipper side, I'll talk to y'all on the next chapter. It will be back to serious, but I like showing/typing y'all my life and how I was. Love you all and all the kind words. 

At first I thought doing this wouldn't be helpful, but all the kudos, hits and comments really is making my day. Let me stop typing this because i feel like crying happy tears right now. Love y'all.


	5. Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen

Dads can be very protective of their daughters. He hopes he won't see his daughter hurt or abused by no one or put into a grave. When people think of women, you think of them as being weaker beings. 

You think women is someone you should take care of or should be treated gently. Some people think women is easier to manipulate since we are more prone to make judgement based on our feelings.  


Yes, Women are more emotional than men.  


Yes, Women are not stronger than men physically, unless you are a bodybuilder.  


No, Women are not weak. We are more vulnerable, more open to trusting people because we are very emotional people. We like to connect on a deeper level.  


But, when you test that trust and play with our emotions, that's when women become more close up and insecure, but also independent. Time shown us that.  


But no hate towards the men because I can guarantee there is very abusive women out there as well.  


No human is perfect.  


But let's get back to my story.  


I don't like violence. I don't like to hurt people. I would be the person who tries to avoid the situation and get called a wuss, pussy, wimp, whatever because I avoided a fight. I don't like putting people in pain. 

But because I more drawn to mental things, I was forced to take Martial Arts class led by non other than Alec. And yes, I was still doing the handjobs for him, but honestly, I would rather do that than punch my sister, Ali, in the face. 

Sure she had protective gear on, but I was raised with her. SHE IS MY SISTER!!! But Ali had no problem hitting me. She was physically stronger than I was and very heavier (Big Boned, not fat). I was overtaken fairly easy.

It was the only way she would get compliments from Alec. So we trained, learn how to properly punch and kick and ways to take a person down, But when it comes to confronting anybody, I can't fight. I know how to protect myself, but no idea how to cause pain. Yes, I know, I'm a fucking wimp.

Yes I know I totally just said the opposite of what I said in the beginning. Women are strong, but I'm just don't know how to reach that level. Alec always talked me down and told me how easy someone can rape me or murder me because I don't know how to fight. Now, as a grown up, sometimes I expect someone to try it. 

I imagine how would it feel to be fully raped. I mean, it's believable. That's how he made me feel, even years later. I feel like I want to cry because I can't place harm on no body. I meant what I said in the beginning. 

I see plenty of people who is exactly what I describe. Men as well. I just can't reach that level. So that left the handjobs I end up giving to Alec. That's not to say I don't tried to avoid him. I would hide in the bathroom, claim I was about to wash and take long showers, and when I'm done take my time drying off. 

I would go to sleep early, faking it till I actually go to sleep. And when I be on my period (That's right, I said it. PERIOD!!! Don't even comment about this unless it's positive because we ain't trying to hide anything in this work. It's explicit for a reason.) I welcome the pain and use it as a excuse not to rub his dick.

Again, I was scared. I was young. I don't have not one fighting bone in my body. All the talk of me being weak, one day a rape victim and a future dead body got to me. That was the beginning of myself thinking that I want to end it all.

Ever time I was placed in a bedroom, either mine or his, I always wanted to just cry. I wanted to look away, not hear his moans, not feel his fingers on my inner thighs that was too close to THAT area. I hated the smell of lotion and the sharp smell of him.

My back always hurt since I was always against the wall. My forearms burning from the motion. His kind/creepy words about how he like my body, my growing breast and my figure finally shaping, always reaching my ears and making me feel guilty.

I always thought of mom. How he should be doing this with her. Saying this to her instead of me. How should I feel during this? How? I hated every second of it, but it still reached my ears and into my brain. And that's not even all he had done.


	6. I'm Stalling/Let me Explain

Writing m/m fics is like therapy. Being young and confuse about my own body, it helps thinking about other bodies. Imagine going through puberty and you have been introduce to your Step-dad's cock in your face. 

My mind fighting my hormones. I like guys, but growing up against my will doing that messed up my mindset so badly. I like guys, but any thought about that thing going inside me gets me scared as hell because of Alec's hands always inching towards to No Zone.

He never touch it thankfully, but his fingers squeezing your inner thigh where your pubic hair starts to grow was pretty damn close. So yes, it really did affect me. At one point, I was curious about women, but my mom isn't really wild about that, so I sort of ignore that side of me. 

So I think about two males being together. It kept me sane and, honestly, it so cute. Lesbians and gays are extremely cute together. So free to do what they want. That includes the Bi family. I love y'all, I really do. Keep doing what y'all do.  


Now, about my works. I like to put a piece of me in each work.  


The Help me Series: The male counterpart of me (Darrel) is me if my mom never found out, minus the destroy the world. But my step dad did hate people.  


The "Brian x Darrel = The hard way" Stands for the battle of my mind, belief and body against Alec's words, beliefs, and lust. Darrel is always submissive to someone more dominant, Brian. The only difference is that Darrel took pleasure in it, I don't. It's mentally confusing and abusing.  


"It's our life" is the freedom to do what you want without judgement. Growing up, judgement was at every corner. It was as simple of what we could do as a family like going to a skating rink, bowling, or going to the movies.

He complains about spending money, but always want to go do something he wants instead of the original outdoor entertainment. My sisters and mom is content staying home and playing games or watching television, but when he ask what should we do as a family and we pick these subjects...  


Stupid!  


Idiot!  


Expensive!  


For crying out loud, he was the person who wanted to go somewhere and somehow, it ends in he and my mom arguing. Do you know how many times he would tell us to come and sit on the couch and belittle my mom. His words:  


"You belligerent jackass"  


"Not of God, of the World."  


"Just like your mother."  


"Don't be like your mother."  


He would pick some of her traits and basically say she was going to go to Hell. I love my mother. Do you know how painful it was to watch them argue back and forth in front of us and My sister and I have to agree to what he says about her because it scared us when he goes against us.

Sucking up to him leads to less confrontation. My mom knew we didn't believe him and held nothing against us. WE WERE LITTLE KIDS!!! We don't know what the hell is going on. And i would try my best to keep my baby sister out of it. I would turn up the volume on the television so she won't hear anything that's going on. 

Alec is Mentally abusive. And the stupid shit was all this came out after they got married. Like I said, My mom have literally no experience at all on how to raise kids or be a perfect parent.

Hell, she was pregnant with me when she was sixteen and gave birth to me when she was seventeen, eight days later from her birthday. My grandmother was supportive, but also controlling. Almost like Alec, but not really. Alec was controlling while my grandmother just like to give her input. 

He ruin my life and it sucks that I can't have my childhood back. It's gone. This might be a bit short, but I'm getting a bit angry writing this. See ya next time. Love y'all.


	7. My life

I'm going to go ahead and finish this mostly because I don't like loose strings. I started writing this to get my feelings out here. I was angry with my life and what was wrong with me, but I had some comments that had made my day. So I'm going to fast forward on my life.  


So after the marriage and two more year in Oklahoma, we moved the North Carolina and the handjobs kept going. He shown me videos of other women doing the same to men and told me how he wanted it. Giving back massages was always the cover up whenever he closes the door. It really made me just want to restart life.

Like how did this become the norm. What else became the norm was agreeing to him whenever he belittle our mom. Our mom knew better that to believe we actually believe him. One word of advice, don't make your kids watch you and your partner argue and make them choose between who's right and wrong. 

Not only will it make them scared of neglection, but make them not want to confront anything. Yes I said neglection. Alec (Not his real name) was horrible. You don't agree with him, you get cast aside like a ragdoll. Like you don't exist. If you agree, he'll put you on a pedestal. Sadly for me, he was the only male who inappropriately compliments me. 

But that also made me feel weird and made me so insecure about myself. I always seen him as a dad to me, so yeah, I always ignore it. The few times I don't listen to him, I get punished. I remember one time sleeping on the cold concrete of the garage in a tent. Mind you, I wasn't used to complete darkness yet. Or at least the darkness there is in a garage. I will forever remember that.  


Then there was the martial arts. As I told you all, I hate violence. I can't stand landing a hand on someone. I don't like causing pain. I'm a black 20 year old girl who won't lay a hand on no one. Now to all the other black people reading this as well as other people, what do you think of this?

Wimp? Wuss? I don't know. But I did it for years to keep him happy. If you don't, he becomes aggressive when he's bored. Always keep him busy.  
But let's speed things along.  


To get rid of the more frequent handjobs and touching, I join the military. It wasn't my first choice, but it you hear military for years and college is bad and don't go to college, go to the military for years and enough time, you start thinking it was your idea.

If you don't get it, there's a tv series call Bull. On one episode, one guy said red throughout a case enough times that everyone came in one cloth that was red. Red tie, red rose, red shirt, or red socks. Now replace that with Go to the military, not College for years. So yeah, I thought i wanted to go to the military. 

My self esteem, that's already low, was really brought low during Basic Training. But to be honest, I miss it. It made me realize how strong I can be physically, but that was after many trials. As my body got stronger, my mentality was still weak.

My legs was always a problem. I could never run as fast as I wanted to. It took a friend to help me and I passed by 10 seconds. I was really proud because if I didn't passed that last test, I would have to go home. And Alec really doesn't tolerate failure.

I really wanted to go home and I would've if it was just my mom and my sister, but Alec really scared me. Strange how God works. Then after Basic Training, I had to go to schooling. I still had to run, but up to the 60th percentile the 50. So I had to work harder.

So since the second week of December to the second week of February, every monday, I fail. I ace the book learning. Teaching was like the teacher teaches for two to four days on a subject, then test afterwards. I aced it, even helping other people.

They passed because of me, but I could never stay up to them physically. So there goes my mental state. During my time during school, My mom found out about the handjobs. I felt exposed because I planned on taking that to the ground. (I was 19 at the time.) This was after I went home during christmas.

(It took two days for him to get aggressive. I stuck up for myself and he called me a bitch and wanted me to leave in two days. I couldn't go anywhere because of no family around. So I planned a Plane ticket to my grandma's place, but my mom wanted me to stay because she hadn't seen me for three months. So I booked a hotel for two weeks and spent time with her and my sisters.) 

So yeah, exposed, heart broken (After all the sacrifices I did for eight years of my life), and mentally ill, I was not going to be fit for duty. Late February, I was instituted to a inpatient in Utah, out in April only to be back in another hospital three weeks later in Florida and out in late May.

Afterwards, I worked, but the Army was saying no due to my past trauma. I was out in 2019. Call me weak if you want to because I could never call myself a veteran. I shared my story and they insisted I am, but it's hard to believe.  


Let's talk about my love life. When I started schooling, I met a guy who was super cute. He was the total opposite of me. A hot mexican as well. I still remember when i was going to the gym and I was on the rock wall when I saw him walk in with a friend. 

He said hi to me and I told myself that if he's still here when I leave the gym, I'll ask him out. And that's what happen. I ask him for his number and that was the start of a relationship. He was my first kiss, first date, first blow job (Don't say ew. I know y'all do it too if not more.), and first love.

Or at least a little bit like love. If was a off and on relationship till October, after my birthday because he's kind. I guess. After he graduated his schooling, he had to move so we was long distance. We met up in Mississippi and Louisiana during pride. Had my first beer there. So nasty.

I'm about to turn 21 soon so y'all mind recommending first drinks? Something that would go down good? Thanks ahead. But anyway, after cheating a couple time during the on time we was together, I was so sick of being in a relationship with him because I really didn't trust him.

He broke up with me five minutes later because we didn't have sex. First of all, he suggest no condom or lube and wanted me to be pregnant. I think not. So yeah. Soon to be virgin at 21 (I feel comfortable with y'all. plus could y'all tell based on the works I write. 

Porn and imagination helps when writing smut.) But now I'm just trying to live my life the way I wanted. It feel like I'm starting from the very bottom and trying to figure myself out, but hopefully, things will work out. Pray for me y'all. Till next time when I need to vent, Thanks for reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did go to court and he is in jail. Thanks for reading.


End file.
